I usually try to keep things positive and not get too personal, but I felt led to share this...
You've probably noticed that the past month and a half or so I have not been posting much. What you probably did not know was that I was just too tired due to being pregnant. As of this past Fri, I was 11 weeks and very excited to be almost through the first trimester.
On Sat, I noticed that there might be a problem. I called the advice nurse just to be on the safe side. She did not seem concerned, and just said to monitor it. It continued through the weekend, so I called the advice nurse again on Sun and was told to call Mon morning to make an appointment.
I went in for my appointment on Mon morning. I didn't want to be a "Debbie Downer", but I was expecting the worst and hoping for the best. I have been pregnant twice before and I knew this was not normal. I spent most of the day going back and forth between my doctor's office and the hospital for exams, blood work, ultrasounds, and a rhogam shot due to my blood type. When I was finally done, my doctor had informed me that it was more than likely a miscarriage, but they wanted to do more blood work and possibly another ultrasound in 48 hours to make sure. She told me some things to watch out for and that I should go straight to the ER should any of them occur.
When I finally got home from that long and awful day, I just wanted to rest. I had decided that even though I was sad, I was not going to sit around and feel sorry for myself. That would not help; it would not change the outcome and it would not make me feel better. I know that God has a plan for my family and He does not make mistakes. I truly believe that each person is placed on the earth at a specific time for a specific purpose.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Jeremiah 29:11-13 NIV
Around 9:00 on Mon night, things drastically changed and I knew I needed to head straight to the ER. I'm sure this kind of thing is very routine, but I have never had any kind of real emergency and I was very scared. I found comfort in the fact that no matter what I am going through, God is with me. My hope and strength are in Him. "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Hebrews 13:5 ESV
I was, indeed, having a miscarriage, but I think my trip to the ER was actually a blessing in disguise because my body naturally went through the process very quickly (hence the trip to the ER). I am very thankful for good medical care and that I did not end up needing a D&C. I am also thankful that it did not drag on because sometimes the process can take a while.
I have always wanted to have a pretty large family. My parents have four children and growing up I always thought it was so fun to have sisters and a brother to play with. When all of this was going on, however, I was feeling very discouraged. I was thinking, if I might have to go through this again, maybe I don't want to have any more children after all. I am thankful for the two precious children that I already have. Now that a few days have passed, I am starting to warm up to the idea of trying again, but I will probably want to wait a little while. We will just have to pray about it and trust in God's plan for our family.
Through this whole process, all I could do was trust in God. I know that He is in control and that everything happens for a reason, even if I never know the reason. It could be that I get the opportunity to minister to someone else who is going through the same thing. It could be that God will bless us with another baby and that pregnancy would have conflicted with this one. It could be that we will never have another baby, but God blesses us through other opportunities to serve. We may never know; we just have to trust in God and His will for us.
"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 ESV
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:27 ESV
Thank you, Leah and family, for the pretty flowers!